So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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