Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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