I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
