Swine flu. Run for my life!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He did a backflip because drugs
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