CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
