drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
