Plan B is the new Plan A
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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