Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
