Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My pussy is not your playground.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
