We won't sleep together?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
