and you said cock pushups were impossible
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
