Don't you send me to vm
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
