Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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