im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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