Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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