New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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