Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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