I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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