Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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