Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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