Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
be right there i have to get my cape
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
