i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
