I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
