Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize