i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
