I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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