you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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