is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
