The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
only if we run a train.
done.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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