she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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