Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
someone owes me an orgasm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize