Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
