i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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