Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
