just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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