The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
