You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
