i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
