i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's never too late to be topless.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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