All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
