I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
