Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i already hear my dad disowning me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
