I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
