Umm I'm too high to move.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
