The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.