we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm determined to sit on that face.