After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?