What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
