my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
