Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You were trust falling into bushes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
