i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
