So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
