My room smells like vodka and shame
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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