My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize