but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
