dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
