I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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