she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
