His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
