drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
