Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
