im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
