I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
