I am in a vortex of obligation.
you win again, gameday.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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