Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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