Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
