is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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