The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
