I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
