Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's never too late to be topless.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
