The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
