Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
